Suburban Habit

The feeling of missing someone to the point where it gets unbearable, the whole idea of pining, yearning, desiring, wishing becomes a destination rather than an emotion. Anyone can survive it, through a long turn of impatience and restless hours, and like everything else, the end always come too brief and too sweet. I won't complain about the sweet part, but 'brief' is heavily understated.

Life is always too short, every waking hour is precious but we waste them away just the same. I'd like to believe that each hour we felt "wasted" isn't actually as wasted as we think. Each hour that we remain stationary, each moment that we think we 'waste', I'd think that those are the only hours we get to take a respite from the world we're in. Which is a very demanding place in my opinion. Responsibilities tie us down and obligations make us spend most of our time looking and searching for something 'worthy' to achieve. Every action, every decision must have an underlying purpose lest it be considered wasteful. Well, I wouldn't say everybody feels the same, but I think they just don't know it yet.

I find myself a slave to my own time; everything needs to be perfect on the days where I get to have a little bit of personal time. Every decision must be the right one. Where to go, what to eat, what to do. Not a moment to be wasted, that's the point of view everyday of my life. Which is good I guess, purposeful albeit a little bit of a downer most of the time.

Perhaps it is just that I don't know what I want and I'm forcefully pushing time forward because of my eagerness to find out what the future holds for me. I know that's wrong, but knowing the problem doesn't mean I own the remedy.

Tomorrow's the start of another long week at the dreadful workplace. At moments I'm pretty glad with myself that I'm holding it off awhile longer while at some moments I pretty much hate myself for even agreeing to stay, even if it's just for another month. Can't decide if I'm really that weak at heart. But tonight's the last night of the week and I dare say it has been a lonely one. But if I think hard about it, I think my mind's making it all up. I need to remember that life doesn't revolve around what I want at that specific moment, but many other moments that has yet to come, and some that has already passed.

Consider this short rant as an insight to the suburban mind of a slightly deranged individual.

As many will say, just get used to it.


xo,
Mrs Micky